I began writing a journal in 1976. It has been 50 years and still going. I love writing. I used to think I was writing it for my kids, but I feel now that they are not the target audience. I’ve come to realize that the journal is primarily for me, and then later for future generations. In the church, we have what are called the standard works of scripture that we read and study regularly: the Bible, both Old and New Testaments, The Book of Mormon, The Doctrine and Covenants (revelations mostly given to Joseph Smith), and the Pearl of Great Price (consisting of translations from the writings of Moses and Abraham). I’ve begun thinking of my journal as a 5th set of scripture that I should include with my other studies. I don’t consider my writings as valuable as the canonized and sacred writings of apostles and prophets, but on the other hand, my journal contains an accounting of God’s hand in my life from late adolescence through adulthood. I need to be reminded of God’s blessings to me, and I need to relive the pains and stresses of life so I can appreciate the healing that has resulted from an application of the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ. In this context, my journal is deeply personal and mainly for me. One day when I am gone, perhaps others will learn through the lessons I experienced.

About 25 years ago, I transcribed all my writings onto the computer, and since then I have done several editing passes. This last year, I have done a major reformat of the collection. I standardized a lot of the conventions, how images are inserted, and the layout. I’ve also been on my guard to correct grammar, spelling, etc. Using Microsoft Word, I turn on every grammar check possible. As of today, the journal stands at 2,140 pages single spaced in 10-point font. I noticed the word count today was 1,888,508. Not bad for a kid that failed high school English. I was at a thrift store this week and came across a book titled Eats, Shoots and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation. That is a book for me, and so I bought it.

This last week, I sent off my first volume to be printed, 1953-1979. Subsequent volumes will be the 1980’s, 1990’s, etc. It has been a major feat to arrive at this stage. I hope to print at least two more volumes this year. Maybe I’ll get the hang of comma use by the later editions.

So, why did I title this post, Editing a Life? I’ve studied a lot lately about repentance. As a church, in the last few years, we have received deeply insightful teaching on the operation of repentance and a truer understanding of its application and value. For most of my life, I’ve been of the belief that repentance is what you did after you broke one of the Ten Commandments, slipped up on the Word of Wisdom, or suffered a moral transgression, which I suppose is covered in the Ten Commandments. Repentance was for murderers, thieves, fornicators, and the like. Under those conditions, I didn’t have a lot of experience with practicing repentance. President Nelson taught us to find joy in daily repentance. Under that counsel, there is obviously more I need to learn about the divine gift of repentance. And truly what a gift it is. Repentance is turning away from the natural man and following Jesus Christ. Anytime we make a change that draws us closer to Jesus, we are repenting, and it is indeed joyful.

Editing 50 years of my journal has clearly illustrated the path of repentance I have been on. About a year ago, I decided that the journal didn’t need to be as accurate as it needed to be inspiring, both for myself and for others. I admit that I was an arrogant cuss in my teens and twenties, and probably 30’s and 40’s, maybe even a little (or a lot) still today. I’ve taken a higher road as I edit. The core feeling remains the same. I don’t change the experiences or the outcomes, but I have softened my point of view. I don’t want the generations after me thinking I was a whiner. I’m looking for three primary expressions of writing that I am making subtle adjustments to. I don’t want disparaging remarks committed to print forever. I want my thoughts and words to be uplifting. And the really big one I’m looking out for is to refrain from expressing judgement.

The curious thing happening is that as I edit my past life, I’m changing my behavior going forward. I believe I am experiencing a true manifestation of daily repentance. As I strive to not disparage, seek to uplift, and refrain from judgement, I feel a natural consequence of drawing closer to the Savior. It has been relatively easy to edit the journal. Anyone can push a backspace key, change a word or two, or delete something that should never have been written in the first place. I’m thinking that repentance today is a lot the same way. We can all strive to correct one little attribute a day, a week, or a month, maybe in a year. I have to practice it constantly. When I make a mistake, it isn’t so much a sin as a chance for course correction back onto the covenant path to draw unto Christ. Yes, repentance serves the fornicator, but it also has tremendous impact on the humble followers of Jesus Christ in our daily walk through mortality.